i need:

5 Comments

dean. my bestfriend. for nothing but our quiet times on the couch, shooting off commentary about mundane things.

more money. for i’ve realised how it cages you in and completely makes you hopeless against what you want to do, and what you cant. for so many people.

serenity. for the chaos within me has been going on too long. there is quiet, at times. but it always seems short lived, and its as though im waiting for something else. and im tired now, for being on my toes.

love. that is pure and complete. one that consumes me entirely, for all the right reasons. without an ending. without an excuse.

i need: to stop bitching.

5 comments

  1. sph42 says:

    I was listening to a song yesterday just after you first messaged me. One line from this song stood out to me and kept ringing in my head.

    The line was – “Vulnerability has adopted me”.

    This post triggered that line in my head again, the moment where you are searching for the comfort of a friend/loved one and you know its not quite there. When you need someone to sit and brush your hair after a massive session in the bath, someone to rub your shoulders after a tough day. Someone you can trust with your vulnerability……your tragedy.

    This is your moment, your time to heal. Dont stop bitching.

    Your day will come soon.

    big hugs

  2. Ben says:

    I found your business card this afternoon. Had no idea why I had some GDH card. Flipped it over and there’s a dead URL and some girl named Lara’s phone number written in pencil.

    So I discover that the dead whitpage.com link was a blog. I stumble into your old blog, then I stumble into your current blog. And I realise that we met in the powder room atop the GPO, on a night that came close to being memorable for me cracking a mouthy bus boy with a beer bottle. Which was drama nobody really required in any case.

    I spoke to you and Lara (?) for a long time (hazy shade of memory) – you were both good people (less hazy), which is probably not news to you anyway. I discovered just now that you write very well too. Then I discovered this quote that poked me right in the fucking eye: the only way to achieve true happiness, is to risk being completely cut open.

    I’m living both sides of that equation right now, and have no clue which side of it I’ll land on (foreign air-hostess-gf with thermonuclear temper, ultimatums, my strings… et. al).

    This got me thinking of the flip side: if you believe in yourself enough you’re going to be alright even if you do get cut open. Isn’t always easy or comfortable, but it’s definitely doable.

    Random ramblings I know, but I had to write something. Your blog took my mind off things long enough to realise a) I haven’t really read a blog before & b) there are people with substance in places you least expect. Like your out of order alphabetized card holder.

    • pauline says:

      im reading through my old blogs. as you do. cringing over some bits that were so badly written. and feeling a twinge of pride over some entries that werent all that bad.

      and i just read this comment, yours, and i wonder if i ever replied?

      i actually remember that night at GPO. i dont remember you being close to shanking someone though.

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