if you see me walking down the street…

a few years ago, my heart was broken. majestically, as well. it was a passionate and tragic love affair that i was stupid enough to put my everything in. that’s the thing about giving yourself up. when it doesnt work out, you’re left with nothing. and i loved him, so much it that it was probably that – that amount of selfless love in the beginning – that made the ending so ridiculously painful.

for three years i ignored his calls, convinced myself that ‘asshole’ had a better ring to it than his actual name. i closed the door on his words in the middle of the night six times. i moved on and vowed i would never let myself get ripped to shreds the way he did, so casually. all the time i was wondering: what if? what if he had changed? don’t people change?

so i gave him another chance. funny that. i thought i’d burnt that bridge and there i was trying to cross it. i should have known. once its their fault, twice its yours.

what an amazing Academy Award Winning performance he gave me. how he could convince me that he’s changed but you know what? people don’t. their intentions may be better, but its all false advertising. some people are built with character that they try to deny. but at the end of the day, people don’t change.

one thing i am thankful for though, that’s come out of all this drama, is that at least i can say i gave it a try. i can sleep a little better without the big WHAT IF hovering over his head. albeit the broken heart. at least i gave it a try.

everyone knows the sequel does nothing but shed light on the first one. its just a pity that it hurts all the same.

3 comments

  1. Dario says:

    I’m happy you’re writing again, even if it’s not about blissful moments! :)

    I think most people keep their essence somehow. There can be evolutions, realizations, etc, but the essence does stay the same. I guess change IS possible, but it may take longer, or perhaps it may take a more dramatic alteration of perspective to trigger such change. what do you think?

    but anyway, yeah, one thing I’ve realized is that most of the time, we HAVE to give it another go, and yet another, and sometimes yet yet another go… if only to be able to make peace with ourselves, and move without what ifs… without any regrets…

    p.s. healing is on its way.

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